An Adventure With Captain Callidus

Just to show people I am not always boringly working, here is an adventure with Captain Callidus Waydelich, of whom I am pixie niece and apprentice pirate lass to:

Callidus Waydelich: Ohhhhhhh
Callidus Waydelich: Th' Cape Cod girls, they have no combs
Callidus Waydelich: They comb thar hair with catfish bones!
Callidus Waydelich: Cape Cod boys, they have no sleds,
Callidus Waydelich: They slide down dunes o' catfish heads!
Miso Susanowa: *sniffs uncle's breath*
Callidus Waydelich: Cape Cod doctors, they have no pills,
Miso Susanowa: *avoids wildly-swinging rum bottle*
Callidus Waydelich: They give thar patients catfish gills!
Callidus Waydelich falls over
Callidus Waydelich: zzzzz
Miso Susanowa: *covers with blanket, takes away rum bottle gingerly*
Miso Susanowa: *builds a small fire*
Miso Susanowa: *sits on a rock wittling arrowheads*
Callidus Waydelich: THE RUM !
Miso Susanowa: *pushes back down* its empty, sir
Callidus Waydelich gets up and kicks some sand around looking for something
Callidus Waydelich: Why is the rum gone!
Miso Susanowa: because you appear, i mean smell, to have drunk it sir
Callidus Waydelich: :o
Callidus Waydelich: But why is the rum gone?
Miso Susanowa: because you did not steal enough, sir
Callidus Waydelich facepalms
Callidus Waydelich: I'll make a note of it in the log
Miso Susanowa: the Captain's Log *nods*
Miso Susanowa: *hands small chisel and hammer*
Callidus Waydelich: Thank you.
Miso Susanowa: yw
Miso Susanowa: you can use that log there
Miso Susanowa: i was going to toss it in the fire
Miso Susanowa: but i think it would make an admirable Captain's Log
Callidus Waydelich: Yo ho yo ho, a pirate's life for us.
Miso Susanowa: yar har!
Miso Susanowa: *gets up and dances around the fire*
Callidus Waydelich: I LOVE THIS SONG!
Miso Susanowa: do what yer want cause a pirate is free! bein a pirate is alright to be!
Callidus Waydelich: Really bad eggs!@
Callidus Waydelich falls over
Miso Susanowa: you're a pirate, fiddle dee dee! you are a pirate!
Callidus Waydelich: Harhar!
Miso Susanowa: *observes*
Callidus Waydelich: I've gotten hold of a spray can
Callidus Waydelich: And I've arrived on The Green
Miso Susanowa: the Green?
Callidus Waydelich: Yes, The Green
Callidus Waydelich: very green there
Miso Susanowa: ok
Miso Susanowa: now
Miso Susanowa: i'd suggest a thin wedge putter sir
Miso Susanowa: it looks to be about.... 8 yards
Miso Susanowa: not too bad of a lie
Callidus Waydelich: hair enough
Callidus Waydelich: fair
Miso Susanowa: but the grass is roughed in the uphill sir
Miso Susanowa: so that will pull your stroke
Callidus Waydelich: Hairfair?
Miso Susanowa: i shall hold the flag, sir
Miso Susanowa: the hair fair i believe was several months ago, sir
Callidus Waydelich: !
Callidus Waydelich: DO NOT WANT!
Callidus Waydelich drives the ball all the way to ElvenGlen
Miso Susanowa: oh, good show sir! A nice knock off the head of several of the Council
Callidus Waydelich: I wondered where that ball went
Miso Susanowa: it appears to be lodged in an owl's nest, sir
Miso Susanowa: a difficult lie indeed
Miso Susanowa: i'd suggest a wood
Callidus Waydelich shinnys up a tree to get the ball
Miso Susanowa: *looks the other way, whistling*
Callidus Waydelich: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
Callidus Waydelich runs for his life
Callidus Waydelich: Those were not owls!
Miso Susanowa: oh.... *looks down* i wondered why they had stripes
Miso Susanowa: i just thought perhaps they were very sporty tiny owls
Callidus Waydelich: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW
Miso Susanowa: owL, sir, owL. there's an L there
Miso Susanowa: owl owl owl owl
Miso Susanowa: like that
Callidus Waydelich runs through the campfire smoke
Miso Susanowa: yes, that might work
Miso Susanowa: i'd suggest an Adidas, sir
Callidus Waydelich: Bees.
Miso Susanowa: perhaps with the speed sole
Callidus Waydelich: Why does it have to be bees.
Miso Susanowa: because elephants cannot climb trees, sir
Miso Susanowa: everyone knows that
Callidus Waydelich: Obviously they can
Callidus Waydelich: The riddles have it that they paint their toenails red to hide in cherry trees, you see.
Miso Susanowa: that's ridiculous. Elephants do not get pedicures.
Miso Susanowa: at least the boy elephants don't
Callidus Waydelich: Oh.
Miso Susanowa: *dabs mud and calamine lotion on welts*
Miso Susanowa: you really should have used the wood, sir
Callidus Waydelich: ow
Callidus Waydelich uses a credit card to flick stingers out of his skin
Callidus Waydelich: Bees don't like me, apparently.
Miso Susanowa: perhaps if you smeared yourself with honey...
Callidus Waydelich: Oh bother
Miso Susanowa: giggles
Miso Susanowa: perhaps this will help sir...
Miso Susanowa: *reaches into small pouch and withdraws a tiny dram bottle*
Miso Susanowa: *it sparkles a dark caramel color...*
Miso Susanowa: *opens the stopper*
Miso Susanowa: * a smell of the finest rum wafts out*
Miso Susanowa: *smiles and hands to the Captain*
Callidus Waydelich: I smell...
Callidus Waydelich: Er, I smell?
Callidus Waydelich: No no, I smell....rum!
Miso Susanowa: a bite of the dog that haired you, sir :)
Callidus Waydelich gulps it down
Miso Susanowa: tsk tsk
Miso Susanowa: now its gone
Miso Susanowa: SAvor sir, SAVOR
Callidus Waydelich burps
Callidus Waydelich: scuse me
Callidus Waydelich tries to get up
Callidus Waydelich: Ow ow ow!
Callidus Waydelich: Geez, those bees got everywhere
Miso Susanowa: *hands mud* i aint touching it
Callidus Waydelich: Oh, right
Callidus Waydelich: well, that was unpleasant
Miso Susanowa: oh... i liked the part with the elf head bonking sir! ^_^
Callidus Waydelich: Harhar!
Miso Susanowa: yar :)
Miso Susanowa: *hands perfectly toasted hot dog bun*
Miso Susanowa: hot dog or polish sausage, sir?
Callidus Waydelich: Polish sausage, please
Miso Susanowa: my choice also :)
Miso Susanowa: *forks one into the bun*
Miso Susanowa: stone ground mustard, sir?
Callidus Waydelich: Oh, I'd be delighted
Callidus Waydelich: Sorry, I'm gonna say I was afk when I was just neck-deep in espionage findings
Miso Susanowa: ah!
Miso Susanowa: espionage sir?!??!?! *slips on fake mustache*
Callidus Waydelich: Sayy
Callidus Waydelich: have you seen Miso?
Callidus Waydelich: Was here a second ago
Miso Susanowa: *does an amazing maria ouspenskaya impression* cross my palm weeth silver
Callidus Waydelich: hummm
Callidus Waydelich: nice try, but I always see the goods before showing the money, honey
Miso Susanowa: i see... in your future... elves.
Callidus Waydelich: !
Callidus Waydelich dumps a sack of gold on the table
Callidus Waydelich: go on
Miso Susanowa: i see... in the past... you had trouble with bees.
Callidus Waydelich: ooh
Miso Susanowa: this line here... on your shirt, dribbling down to your boots...
Miso Susanowa: it tells me you are a lover of rum...
Callidus Waydelich: ooh
Callidus Waydelich: yum, rum
Miso Susanowa: and that is all you get for such a pitiful pittance, sir *grabs bag of gold and secretes it inside jerkin*
Callidus Waydelich: !
Callidus Waydelich drops an even larger gold sack
Miso Susanowa: ahhh!
Miso Susanowa: *takes his palm*
Callidus Waydelich: The vision getting clearer now?
Miso Susanowa: i see... you are a generous man... though somewhat foolhardy...
Callidus Waydelich: yes?
Miso Susanowa: and that you have, in the past, had many strange adventures
Callidus Waydelich: yes, yes I have
Miso Susanowa: yes.... i see... long voyages...
Miso Susanowa: and many encounters of a wild and strange nature!
Callidus Waydelich hopes she doesn't see the huge treasure stashes from each voyage
Miso Susanowa: No, no... nothing like that...
Miso Susanowa: *scribbling below table*
Callidus Waydelich: Wait, how did you know what I was thinking?
Callidus Waydelich: What about piskies?
Callidus Waydelich: Do they figure in what lies ahead?
Miso Susanowa: of course si.. i mean um sir.
Miso Susanowa: piskies will guide you
Callidus Waydelich: Good!
Miso Susanowa: *mustache slips*
Callidus Waydelich looks at the cards on the table
Miso Susanowa: oops
Miso Susanowa: *tries to push it up*
Miso Susanowa: *passes hand over forehead* the spirits... grow weak
Miso Susanowa: i must depart
Miso Susanowa: *hastily gathers up cards*
Callidus Waydelich: hmmm, Sammy shark, Ollie Octopus, Tina Tuna?
Miso Susanowa: *grabs bag of gold*
Miso Susanowa: *slips out between door blanket*
Miso Susanowa: *starts running, laughing*
Callidus Waydelich: Wait, that's the go fish deck the stowaways had on my ship
Callidus Waydelich: ARGH!
Callidus Waydelich: CONFOUNDING PISKIES!
Miso Susanowa: gigglegigglegiggle
Callidus Waydelich trips over a lawn elf
Callidus Waydelich: AUGH!
Miso Susanowa: GIGGLE
Callidus Waydelich: Hey, that mustached piskie was right!
Callidus Waydelich shrugs
Miso Susanowa: *sits up in a tree, munching a polish dog, watching merrily*